Getting Beyond Small Talk

Fragility vs. Truth

The will to grow. (author’s photo)

Summer gatherings of family and friends offer opportunities for important conversations, but such discussions rarely occur. After catching up on the latest marriages, babies, and graduations, the conversation stalls, then regains vigor in the form of gossip concerning those who aren’t there.

Advised since childhood that the topics of politics and religion are taboo in polite company (and seeing what happens when cranky uncle brings up his MAGA support at the family reunion, it seems that the age-old advice has some wisdom), small talk and gossip prevail.

But even mundane small talk about the weather is testy territory these days. Talking about global warming is a definite downer, so don’t let conversations regarding the strange weather conditions lead you down that path.

“It stresses me out to think about climate and social issues. I have to protect my mental health.”

Also, let’s not talk about Aunty, who lost her life savings due to medical debt. Or, the younger generation who are still living with roommates well into their 30’s, as housing is simply unaffordable.

“Let’s keep the convo upbeat, for godssakes. I’m on vacation; I need to relax!”

There is an overall unawareness that the American Empire is dying, and a naive belief that the current economic, social, and environmental problems are some kind of temporary blip — that things will eventually turn around and get better.

And there is a palpable frailty present when anyone dares to seek a discussion about why an environmental activist was shot dead protesting Cop City, why warehouse workers and truck drivers are dying due to extreme working conditions, and why it is okay to send multiple billions of our tax dollars to Ukraine while neglecting the welfare of our own citizens.

Responses to such queries are often met with a flush of anger (the outward expression of the underlying frailty that is not consciously acknowledged), accompanied by a recitation of “facts” (implanted propaganda from CNN or Fox, depending on whose side they are on), that offer a pat solution the country’s problems if only citizens would trust the experts and vote for the duopoly candidates.

If you are surrounded by people who are not at the extreme end of either wealth or poverty, but are a part of that “middle class” that many so Americans identify with, it is unlikely that you will hear any conversations that stray from the status quo — talking points that the corporate-controlled mass media has embedded in the minds of people who have never really learned to think for themselves.

For those of us who see beyond the charade, and hope to lead others to awareness, the situation can seem hopeless. Feeling lonely while surrounded by others. Wondering if others simply prefer to go to their graves with blinders on, rather than risk opening their minds to a new way of thinking — thinking that will poke holes in the perceived safety net offered by status quo compliance.

I get frustrated by those who refuse to acknowledge the toxic game that our politicians play — politicians owned by corporate dollars. The people who believe that third party candidates are spoilers.

But I don’t want my frustration to turn to anger, to blaming, to lecturing, to belittling. None of these tactics change the behavior of others; they simply lead to increasing my own internal suffering.

Yet, speaking the truth is important. Acknowledgement of “what is” is a prerequisite for any positive changes to take place.

There are many ways to tell the truth. It’s an art. (Thich Nhat Hanh)

And so I turn within. I take some breaths, calm myself, stop talking, stop thinking, and get off the treadmill for a short time.

That’s when I realize that I am talking to people whose views are shaped by their own life experiences, their own fears, and their lack of awareness concerning topics that I have been studying for years.

Maybe the discussion of important topics can begin by asking questions about what’s happening in their own lives.

“I know you love to bake. The price of flour has really gone up. Has that changed how often you bake? Why do you think the price is so high?”

“I can’t believe how much it costs to go to a state college! Do you worry about how you will pay for your son’s education? Do you think something can be done about rising tuitions?”

“I know how much you love your grandkids, but you must get tired taking care of them everyday while their parents are at work. Do you think it would be a good idea for the government to fund quality day care and provide longer maternity/paternity leaves?”

Then, just sit back and listen. You may not hear what you want to hear, but the other person will be pleased that someone listened to what they had to say.

And the thought of government funds going to help out people coping with inflation, education, and childcare maybe won’t seem so much like “socialism” (which propaganda has taught them to be fearful of), but more like the right thing to do for a healthy society.

And while many people will simply continue to emotionally shut down rather than take their minds into new and uncomfortable territory, there may be a few who will contemplate that a better world is possible.

And history shows that it only takes a few to start a revolution.